Better Off Anyway

In July 2011, I was offer a job with Hostess Brands, as the 'relief driver' in the Lima area.  I was excited, and thought I had finally found the job that I was going to retire from.  Yes, really.  I had been sort of aimlessly drifting from job to job since we moved to Lima, and with the twins, it was very important to me that I provided stability for my family.
The hours were going to be very early (most of the time starting at around 4am) and would be long--most days at least 10 hours--but the pay would be worth it, and the benefits would make it all worth while.  I realized very early on, looking back on it probably within the first week, that I didn't really want to keep doing the job but I was determined to 'gut it out' because in my mind I didn't want to be a quitter--again.  The hours were much, much worse and more demanding than I ever could have anticipated.  There were days early on that I would work from 4am until at least 4pm in blazing hot weather and in a truck that didn't even have a fan, much less air conditioning.  I'm not necessarily complaining, and I'm not looking for sympathy, because I knew some of this going in, but the reality didn't sink in until I started actually doing the job.  I would be walking around in a constant half-daze, and there were days when I swear I nodded off while driving on the routes I was assigned.  There's one day in particular that I was only stirred out of my stupor because I heard a horn--that happened to be my arm on the truck's horn.  When I finally did make it home, the twins or Jill would do the slightest little thing and I would fly off the handle at them...something I'm not proud of, happy about or that I ever wanted to do again.  Less importantly, but annoying nonetheless, was the fact that I would be asleep nightly by around 8.  I can't tell you much about almost any television shows that were on in the last year, because I was constantly falling asleep during them...and then, of course, I'd be mad when Jill woke me up.
Then, you add to the fact that the company filed for its second bankruptcy in less than a decade about two months after I started working there, with constant letters, notices and the like that the almighty union was working diligently to protect their own interests protect the workers and would likely go to strike if the big mean corporation didn't give in to their demands and pay for pensions for people who have long since retired that didn't mean a thing to me.  Equally as frequent, we would get letters, notices and the like from the company that the union was the one to blame.  But all agreed that if a strike happened, the company--and my job--would go the way of the buffalo.
I spent almost all of December--including Christmas Eve--in Mansfield on a route.  I had no clue where I was, and there was questionable (at best) management in the Mansfield branch.  The worst part of all of it was that management at MY branch became increasingly difficult to deal with.  I was hired by a guy who was then fired before I started working there (red flag #1) and so I don't know that I was ever this manager's first choice.  At first, probably when I was still in the process of trying to make lemonade out of a crap sandwich, we worked well together.  But, the less I cared, the more he started to babysit my every action and would write me up for things that I shouldn't have been responsible for (excessive stock in stores on routes I was covering, incorrect ordering, etc) and this led to a very uncomfortable work environment.   
Then, one day, when I was very near the end of my rope as it was, I had lunch with a guy from my church.  I don't want to name any names but his name sounds like "Den Knight" and he's way too freaking good at Hanging With Friends.  He said something that I was thinking anyway, and that was that I needed to find my worth outside of my JOB.  I realized at that moment that I was praying for the wrong thing.  It wasn't so much that if this job was what God wanted for me to make it easy, it's that I should have been praying that my life--regardless of occupation--reflected Him.  I hate that I missed it, and that it's taken me 35 years to get to this point...but things became very clear in my mind at that point.
I had to get out of there.  I had to use my talents and experience and find a job that would actually not slowly be killing me and my family relationships.  And so, I started the application process.  There were several interviews but it just didn't seem like the timing was right for a variety of reasons.  The companies that I interviewed with (with a couple of exceptions) seem like great places to work, and I'm not going to downplay any of them.  It just wasn't in His time, and I'm fine with that.
Regardless of all of that, I had had enough of Hostess, and I decided to give my notice anyway, trusting that there would be an opportunity open up.  I told my boss about it, who then suddenly became my best friend.  He'd help unload the truck, do things that he had never done in the entire time I had been there, and really lost his Secret Squirrel habits.   He had asked me to work an extra two days after my notice should have ended, and I agreed on the condition that he would be there to help me unload and finish the day on Friday, because I was going to a concert and needed to leave early that day.  When I got to the branch that morning, it turned out that he was taking a personal day, and that basically he had no intention of helping me out.  That was kind of sort of the last straw, and I texted him to tell him I wasn't coming in the next day.  He texted back with this:

WHATEVER PAUL.  BETTER OFF ANYWAY.

At this point, I have to give a shout out to my friend Dean, who works at Radio Hospital (the company I quit just before I went on my year long exodus into Ho Ho Hell).  We were talking at the mall one day and he said, "You know, I see a lot of people come through here but you are one of only a few that I actually miss working with."  And I realized I missed working at the company, as well...but figured I had blown that when I left. 
Then, there was an ad in the paper for a sales job at Radio Hospital.  So I emailed Carla, a fantastic leader, manager and friend, and asked her how one went about reapplying with the company.  She told me to send my interest to Toldyouso@radiohospital.com which was EPIC.  I told her that email didn't work, but somehow we ended up making a connection and I ended up in her office talking about coming back.
That was a few weeks ago.  Since then, I have had more time with Jill, Jonah and Carrie.  I've been more alert and awake and generally way easier to get along with in that time.  I've actually seen things I intended to sit down and watch, and I have the time and energy to do things outside of work that I should have had more of a focus on this whole time. 
What does this mean to you?  Well, a couple things.  First of all, if you're in a crappy job, you probably are not trapped in it.  You have to do what is best for you, and I would encourage you to seek the advice of wise people (or if you can't find any, ask Ben ;)) in your life and pray about your next move.  Also, it means if you need a cell phone, come see starting August 1st--and that you'll probably see lots of facebook begging soon. 
I have to say that, for one of the few times in the time I knew him, my manager was right.  I am better off anyway.