First of all, it's been since June 24th since I wrote my last blog. I'm a slacker, and should probably just go ahead and take the next 6 months off too, maybe write once a year--on my birthday. But since I never listen to anyone's advice, including my own wonderful advice, I will post this one. Plus, I know Seth Anderson is anxiously updating his facebook feed waiting to read this silly nonsense I am about to spew out.
It is so hard for me to not write a blog about Creps's Quality Bakery in my hometown of Ligonier, Indiana closing as of tomorrow. I know there's a very limited audience for that, but I do so love their donuts. To all involved with the bakery, thank you for being my breakfast just about every morning my junior and senior year of high school and every time I was back in Ligonier during college. It's truly sad to see such an institution close. But I digress...the real reason for this blog begins now.
It's almost the New Year. What that means is there are a lot of people writing a lot of lists of the best of 2011. Best TV show (Community), best CD (Switchfoot's Vice Verses), best movie (either Super 8 or The Muppets--I'm torn) and so many more useless lists. People also make lists of their New Year's Resolutions. That's what I am going to do here, to put in writing what my plans are so you all can mock me, encourage me, or tell me what a darn fool I am. (Sorry, I got interrupted by having to make piggy noises for the twins--don't ask...where was I?) Oh yeah. I am also going to make a list because I'm oh so very creative. Here, without any further adieu, here are my 2012 resolutions.
1. Allow interruptions.
I'm sure most of you know I am the father of two great insane almost 3 year olds. I will be the first to admit that I get frustrated with them, perhaps sometimes a little bit too easily. I can get so focused on what I'm doing that I forget to allow myself to be interrupted by these two. They are what matter at the end of the day, at the end of my life, and I don't want to allow my busy-ness to get in the way any longer.
2. Be More Helpful Up In Here
The hardest transition I made in 2011 was leaving Radio Hospital to take a job at Hostess. I still don't always believe it was the best decision for me, but it's the path I chose and I am going to have to see it through now. The reason it was so hard was because I went from sleeping til 9am, working til 6pm and coming home to sleeping til 2am, working til 3pm and coming home exhausted. Because of this, I have not always been the most eager participant in helping Jill with standard everyday household stuff (laundry, dishes, cooking, changing diapers, etc). I'm sorry that becoming used to my schedule is taking way longer than I had hoped it would, but in 2012 I resolve to make myself a more helpful member of this here family (or as Carrie would say, famimy)
3. Get More Involved in Church, and with my God
Pretty self explanatory, but a continued theme of my plans for 2012 and this blog is to get off the sidelines and be an active participant in something bigger than myself. Since we all know the world is going to be ending on December 21st this year, it's a good idea for me (and for you, dear reader) to get actively involved with a church, so on that faithful day you will have somewhere to go when the walkers come (Oh, side tangent, why are they 'walkers'? Why does no one go, hey, they look a lot like zombies? Sorry...the writer responsible for that has been flogged). This year, I am going to read the new Tony Dungy devotional book daily and also do more to get involved in the Community at church. I'm so sick of sitting on the sidelines.
There are more, but I am already going to have a hard enough time keeping these, and I have Jonah screaming at me to make him Macaroni & Cheese. A hero's work is never done. So here's to you, 2011. I don't have the fondest memories of you, a lot of bad things happened, but I'm not cheering your departure the way I do when Jason Harris stops posting on my facebook page.
For some reason, I am very optimistic about 2012. Even if the world ends, I know that John Cusack will be there to help us all. And doesn't it give you a sense of peace knowing that? I know it does me.
God Bless you all. And I will write more this year...I will write more this year...I will write more this year.
Paul
Oh, and by the way, is anyone interested in listening to an online radio station playing mid to late 1990s "Christian music" (ie. Supertones, Plankeye, Plumb, etc?) I'm thinking about starting a Statement Retro Radio Station this year, and was just wondering if I would be entertaining myself and Sprout and no one else?
Friday, December 30, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
12,410 days
So today is my birthday. I remember back when that was a huge deal to me. I vividly remember one birthday when I was 12. Being a comic book geek and a movie fan, even at age 12, my friends and I stood in line to see Batman the day it opened. I'm talking about the Tim Burton/Michael Keaton Batman, not the Adam West one (I'm old, but not that old). Anyway, I remember feeling completely optimistic, knowing that the movie was going to be amazing and that the rest of my life was going to be so much better as I got older.
Well, I won't say I was completely wrong. The movie WAS amazing--but a lot has happened since then that sometimes makes me with I could go back in time to tell my teenage self some things.
That was really before I knew anything about money, and the fact that you apparently need it to get what you want and to survive. I didn't know about the pressures of a quota at work...I didn't know what stress the people you love can put on you to do what they think you should do. I was basically a punk kid living for myself.
That was also before I learned too much about sickness, death, and my own mortality. I had watched my grandmother slip away slowly to cancer a few years earlier, but that was my only experience with losing someone who meant the world to me.
Fast forward a few years, and I start to notice things about my father. He becomes increasingly violent toward my mom...his movements become a lot "stranger", and he's not formulating thoughts the way he used to. As I have mentioned in other blogs (possibly the ones I had posted on myspace--ah, myspace...crap, I really am old) my dad didn't really say much to begin with, and I had no idea what was going on with him. I don't remember how I found out, how I learned the phrase 'Huntington's Disease', but I know it took many years off dad's life--oh, and since he had it, your favorite Verizon salesman has a 50% chance of developing it.
Since that realization, birthdays haven't meant as much to me as they once did. Now, when June 24th rolls around...it's like a clock continuing to click down to THE END. I know that everyone dies (except maybe Jason Harris--he's alpha) but my dad left a lot of things undone, a lot of discussions unhad, a lot of things unmoved. As I get older, even though I haven't been gene tested and have no idea which side of the 50/50 I fall on, I get more convinced that my life, especially, is short. My dad never spent much, if any, time with Alex. My dad obviously has never met my sister's kids Jayden and Bryson...and he never met Jonah and Carolina, either. He missed out. These are all great kids that fill the world with hope, love, and silliness (ask Carrie to tell you a knock knock joke sometime).
Right now, Jonah and Carrie are running around like fools in the living room. Jonah has a dollhouse (a MANLY doll house), and Carrie has BennieMinnie and is watching Dora. I want to be around when they get married (when Carrie's 50--she can't date til she's 35), I want to be around to see them graduate college--after 2 years in the NFL, for J-Buggy. I want to spoil my grandkids and send them home hopped up on ice cream like my mom does for my kids.
With every passing year, I realize I have screwed up a lot of things in my life. I have ruined relationships that should have been life long...I have followed my feelings when it made no sense to do so. I have made questionable decisions that have cost me more than I ever care to talk about. When I turned 30, I told Jill that by the age of Jesus (33) I would have lost 100lbs and be out of credit card debt. We have managed to take care of the credit card debt, for the most part, but I am still a fat jerk.
Why am I writing this rambling, basically off the top of my head blog? Well, primarily it's because I want someone to hold me accountable, and I figure if I post this on facebook at least one of the 696 of you will do that. I am kind of tired of the way I am living my life. I waste so much time on things that aren't important...so much worry about trivial things. I am making a very focused effort to change some things in my world.
The first thing I am going to do is make sure that the kids and Jill know that I love them--every day. I can be the biggest, most cynical jerk in the world. I am going to start year #34 with a new attitude. I am going to look on the positive side of things. I am going to make quality memories with my family. I'm not going to be unavailable. No longer am I going to sit on the couch at bedtime playing Angry Birds (or Stupid Zombies--have you played that game? Addicting is not the word, it's like crack). I am tired of being a half-empty type of guy. I need to be more decisive...more than a spectator in my own life.
When I was going through the 30 Day Song Challenge a while back, one of the days was "A Song That Makes You Feel Guilty". There was only one choice for me, and that was "Father of Mine" by Everclear. I was never a scared white kid in a black neighborhood (as Jill pointed out to me when I told her about it) but the singer talks about how he's not going to do the same things that his father did with his own children. In some ways, and its a completely different situation, but I have done this with Alex. He's 15 now so he probably would rather I stay out of his life, but I know what it's like growing up without a father, and if I have ever made you feel that way, ya liberal hippie, I am truly sorry.
I also am going to cut out pop, effective last night. I know that this really doesn't mean much to most of you, but it's a big deal to me. I have never smoked a cigarette, don't drink alcohol...but I can kill Mountain Dew in no time flat. This is part of my eat healthy and exercise plan, which is, to start doing it. Geez, that was a tough one.
So, will you stand with me? Will you bug me about these things? I need someone to constantly be pressing me on these things, and some things I need to change but don't have the desire to write here...I know me, it's the only way I am going to accomplish my goals.
Well, I won't say I was completely wrong. The movie WAS amazing--but a lot has happened since then that sometimes makes me with I could go back in time to tell my teenage self some things.
That was really before I knew anything about money, and the fact that you apparently need it to get what you want and to survive. I didn't know about the pressures of a quota at work...I didn't know what stress the people you love can put on you to do what they think you should do. I was basically a punk kid living for myself.
That was also before I learned too much about sickness, death, and my own mortality. I had watched my grandmother slip away slowly to cancer a few years earlier, but that was my only experience with losing someone who meant the world to me.
Fast forward a few years, and I start to notice things about my father. He becomes increasingly violent toward my mom...his movements become a lot "stranger", and he's not formulating thoughts the way he used to. As I have mentioned in other blogs (possibly the ones I had posted on myspace--ah, myspace...crap, I really am old) my dad didn't really say much to begin with, and I had no idea what was going on with him. I don't remember how I found out, how I learned the phrase 'Huntington's Disease', but I know it took many years off dad's life--oh, and since he had it, your favorite Verizon salesman has a 50% chance of developing it.
Since that realization, birthdays haven't meant as much to me as they once did. Now, when June 24th rolls around...it's like a clock continuing to click down to THE END. I know that everyone dies (except maybe Jason Harris--he's alpha) but my dad left a lot of things undone, a lot of discussions unhad, a lot of things unmoved. As I get older, even though I haven't been gene tested and have no idea which side of the 50/50 I fall on, I get more convinced that my life, especially, is short. My dad never spent much, if any, time with Alex. My dad obviously has never met my sister's kids Jayden and Bryson...and he never met Jonah and Carolina, either. He missed out. These are all great kids that fill the world with hope, love, and silliness (ask Carrie to tell you a knock knock joke sometime).
Right now, Jonah and Carrie are running around like fools in the living room. Jonah has a dollhouse (a MANLY doll house), and Carrie has BennieMinnie and is watching Dora. I want to be around when they get married (when Carrie's 50--she can't date til she's 35), I want to be around to see them graduate college--after 2 years in the NFL, for J-Buggy. I want to spoil my grandkids and send them home hopped up on ice cream like my mom does for my kids.
With every passing year, I realize I have screwed up a lot of things in my life. I have ruined relationships that should have been life long...I have followed my feelings when it made no sense to do so. I have made questionable decisions that have cost me more than I ever care to talk about. When I turned 30, I told Jill that by the age of Jesus (33) I would have lost 100lbs and be out of credit card debt. We have managed to take care of the credit card debt, for the most part, but I am still a fat jerk.
Why am I writing this rambling, basically off the top of my head blog? Well, primarily it's because I want someone to hold me accountable, and I figure if I post this on facebook at least one of the 696 of you will do that. I am kind of tired of the way I am living my life. I waste so much time on things that aren't important...so much worry about trivial things. I am making a very focused effort to change some things in my world.
The first thing I am going to do is make sure that the kids and Jill know that I love them--every day. I can be the biggest, most cynical jerk in the world. I am going to start year #34 with a new attitude. I am going to look on the positive side of things. I am going to make quality memories with my family. I'm not going to be unavailable. No longer am I going to sit on the couch at bedtime playing Angry Birds (or Stupid Zombies--have you played that game? Addicting is not the word, it's like crack). I am tired of being a half-empty type of guy. I need to be more decisive...more than a spectator in my own life.
When I was going through the 30 Day Song Challenge a while back, one of the days was "A Song That Makes You Feel Guilty". There was only one choice for me, and that was "Father of Mine" by Everclear. I was never a scared white kid in a black neighborhood (as Jill pointed out to me when I told her about it) but the singer talks about how he's not going to do the same things that his father did with his own children. In some ways, and its a completely different situation, but I have done this with Alex. He's 15 now so he probably would rather I stay out of his life, but I know what it's like growing up without a father, and if I have ever made you feel that way, ya liberal hippie, I am truly sorry.
I also am going to cut out pop, effective last night. I know that this really doesn't mean much to most of you, but it's a big deal to me. I have never smoked a cigarette, don't drink alcohol...but I can kill Mountain Dew in no time flat. This is part of my eat healthy and exercise plan, which is, to start doing it. Geez, that was a tough one.
So, will you stand with me? Will you bug me about these things? I need someone to constantly be pressing me on these things, and some things I need to change but don't have the desire to write here...I know me, it's the only way I am going to accomplish my goals.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
My name is Paul and I'm an addict
"You know, it's funny...of all my friends you post on Facebook the most" --Kimbre Sibert
There's something in the air. I don't know what it is, exactly, yet I know it's important. I don't know if that makes sense, in fact, I don't know if anything makes sense right now--I was up most of the early morning with Jonah and his not wanting to sleep. Yesterday, Jason Harris (a great man of God but a horrible singer) posted on his facebook page that he was going to get back to Jesus and away from FB. My inital reaction--as it always is when it comes to Jason--was snark...but then I started to think about it.
And then, at work, I answered the kiosk phone, helped the customer, and checked facebook on my phone.
And then I talked to Eddie and then I checked facebook.
And then I answered a text from Jill about dinner and then I checked facebook on my phone.
And then I went to get a pop, and when I got back, I checked facebook on my phone.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Lately in my life, I have not felt a genuine connection with God but I have a connection with someone who I used to play Gem with when I was 7 (Erika--I use this only as an example, please know this is not a slam on you). Also, I can't believe I just admitted I played Jem--but that's beside the point.
Facebook is a great thing, but it hit me hard yesterday just how much time I waste on it, when I should be doing other things. So, I, too am stepping away for a while. Not sure how long, but I do think that this is something I need to do. I need to refocus my life in a lot of areas, and the distraction of what someone I barely know quoting random song lyrics is just too much for me right now. When I get back, I am going to edit my friends list, as well.
There's so much frustration and fear and drama in my life right now, I need to get back to where I used to be. I am not saying that Facebook is the cause of any of this, but I do know for sure that it's a distraction. I am hungry for genuine connections, both from real-life people and with God, not nonsense from casual acquaintances and people I don't know but that facebook says I might (yes, I used to friend those people).
I don't want to be "the guy on facebook" anymore. I don't want that connection. I ask you one thing, if you are the praying type. Pray for me. Not that I will be able to do walk away--I don't think that'll be tough, but that God will reveal truths about Himself to me when I strip away the distraction. I'll let you know how it's going (and yes, I will post my updates on facebook via this blog), but I am also looking for accountability partners, and bluntly, people to help me get deeper...both with friendships and my relationship with God. If you're willing to do that, give me a call or shoot me a text--567-204-6988 or just post a comment. I don't know if this makes sense, but it makes sense in my head. I do not intend to make anyone mad or upset with this blog. If you took it that way, I'm sorry. It's just the cry of my heart right now to really CONNECT, in a lot of ways.
"I also challenge you to search yourself and ask God to reveal something of value that you can give up, be bold and do what is shown and replace whatever it is with prayer, the Word, the right kind of fellowship, more of the Word, and more prayer and see what happens. Sometimes we have to "fan the flame" just as Paul told Timothy" --Pastor David McGregor (http://www.myjourneyag.com/)
There's something in the air. I don't know what it is, exactly, yet I know it's important. I don't know if that makes sense, in fact, I don't know if anything makes sense right now--I was up most of the early morning with Jonah and his not wanting to sleep. Yesterday, Jason Harris (a great man of God but a horrible singer) posted on his facebook page that he was going to get back to Jesus and away from FB. My inital reaction--as it always is when it comes to Jason--was snark...but then I started to think about it.
And then, at work, I answered the kiosk phone, helped the customer, and checked facebook on my phone.
And then I talked to Eddie and then I checked facebook.
And then I answered a text from Jill about dinner and then I checked facebook on my phone.
And then I went to get a pop, and when I got back, I checked facebook on my phone.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Lately in my life, I have not felt a genuine connection with God but I have a connection with someone who I used to play Gem with when I was 7 (Erika--I use this only as an example, please know this is not a slam on you). Also, I can't believe I just admitted I played Jem--but that's beside the point.
Facebook is a great thing, but it hit me hard yesterday just how much time I waste on it, when I should be doing other things. So, I, too am stepping away for a while. Not sure how long, but I do think that this is something I need to do. I need to refocus my life in a lot of areas, and the distraction of what someone I barely know quoting random song lyrics is just too much for me right now. When I get back, I am going to edit my friends list, as well.
There's so much frustration and fear and drama in my life right now, I need to get back to where I used to be. I am not saying that Facebook is the cause of any of this, but I do know for sure that it's a distraction. I am hungry for genuine connections, both from real-life people and with God, not nonsense from casual acquaintances and people I don't know but that facebook says I might (yes, I used to friend those people).
I don't want to be "the guy on facebook" anymore. I don't want that connection. I ask you one thing, if you are the praying type. Pray for me. Not that I will be able to do walk away--I don't think that'll be tough, but that God will reveal truths about Himself to me when I strip away the distraction. I'll let you know how it's going (and yes, I will post my updates on facebook via this blog), but I am also looking for accountability partners, and bluntly, people to help me get deeper...both with friendships and my relationship with God. If you're willing to do that, give me a call or shoot me a text--567-204-6988 or just post a comment. I don't know if this makes sense, but it makes sense in my head. I do not intend to make anyone mad or upset with this blog. If you took it that way, I'm sorry. It's just the cry of my heart right now to really CONNECT, in a lot of ways.
"I also challenge you to search yourself and ask God to reveal something of value that you can give up, be bold and do what is shown and replace whatever it is with prayer, the Word, the right kind of fellowship, more of the Word, and more prayer and see what happens. Sometimes we have to "fan the flame" just as Paul told Timothy" --Pastor David McGregor (http://www.myjourneyag.com/)
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